I want to know if one of her friends is picked on at school, or if she’s upset by someone else’s actions,” Gardiner says. “If someone hurts someone else, or does something mean on purpose, telling an adult is warranted. We hear a lot of, ‘Julia took three cookies for snack!’” she says. Sarah Gardiner, a mom of two in Fergus, Ont., spends time talking to her daughters-Julia, 7, and Emily, 4-about this very topic. “The challenge for parents and teachers is to teach kids to discriminate between a social situation involving a sibling or peer that can be handled independently, versus a situation that is urgent enough to tell an adult,” says McDonnell. Many kids do not report episodes of bullying for fear of being labelled a spoilsport,” he adds.Īnd that’s the key-explaining when it’s appropriate to blab, and when it’s better to keep quiet. “We also want our kids to learn that there are times when intervention is necessary. “We want children to report when there is potential injury to someone or potential damage to property,” says Paul McDonnell, a child psychologist in Fredericton. Of course, there are benefits to having a kid who sings like a canary about every little thing. Green says she hears things like this regularly: “Mom! That girl just littered!” and “Mom! That guy shouldn’t be parked liked that!” Kadyn is always the first kid to point out questionable offences. While there are other reasons for tattling-think one-upping siblings, looking for attention, testing boundaries with grown-ups - there’s a more common culprit behind this whistle-blowing behaviour: “These kids have an early sense of moral reasoning-children who snitch do so because they’ve seen someone do something that they perceive to be wrong,” Goldman explains. “It’s during these school-aged years that kids are beginning to gain social skills, specifically in relation to their peers,” says Kylee Goldman, a child and family therapist in Aurora, Ont. Green’s oldest might be a little informant, but it’s not uncommon for children his age to rat out their friends. “Whether we’re at a playground, running errands, or just out and about, if anyone does something they shouldn’t, I’ll hear about it.” He tells on everyone, no matter where we are,” says his mom, Rebecca. The six-year-old in Edmonton has no scruples about squealing on anyone, from his younger brother and random children at the park, to adults who exhibit less-than-perfect behaviour.
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